It's Been Awhile

indeed it's been awhile. my office internet is finally up and running, permanently.

unfortunately, i cannot reveal what has been going on in my life at the moment for the past few months. perhaps, in time, i might be able to tell all but with care.

all i can say is that i am still alive and well. my office has relocated. i'm in the midst of scouting around. i am waiting for a call from a certain financial institution for an oppurtunity. i'm keeping my fingers crossed (and everything crossable) for all to go well ASAP. my other half have been very supportive. my friends and family are very worried. i'm not allowed to reveal anything because of confidentiality. everything is in a mess at the moment, career wise. until i can move on, there's nothing more i can update for now.

thank you all, for your care. i appreciate it even though i have kinda secluded everyone in my life, except my colleagues and my other half. i shall be able to lead a normal life soon (i hope). i will be in contact with human beings then. until that time comes, i have to stay solicitous.

Want U 2 Knw - Freelance Hellraiser

Yes.. Yes.. I know it's the Sony Ericsson's advertisement song. BUT, I love it. Ever since I saw the ad on TV, I have been searching for it's mp3. Even the ad is so simple and sweet. Give you the 'awww' feeling everytime you watch it. Though it's only 4 lines, it means a lot!

Want you to know, You make me happy
Want you to know, You make me sad
Want you to know, You make me happy
You are the best thing, That I ever had.

Thanks Pinky, for sharing the lurve...

Music For The Dark Lords

One of my foreign colleague has decided to record an Album!

"HOZZEN's music is a bit on the Dark and Metal side. The ULTIMATE HeandBanger music. When you have a stressful day and feel like punching / killing someone / thing, log on and listen to HOZZEN's music. Headbang your worries, stress, anxieties, anger and frustrations away and replace it with a smile on your face and an aching neck instead." ms3Gem

HOZZEN's featured on Channel[V]. Pump up the volumn and get your pulse racing. HOZZEN has 2 more bonus tracks, which he would release in the near future, so look out for it.

To listen to his album or if you can't get enough of HOZZEN, click on the link provided.
http://amp.channelv.com/amp/viewArtist.html?id=5658

Honestly, Honesty...?

How honest can one be in a relationship?

My colleague was telling me about a girl he knows and how she was telling him that she recently broke up with her bf of 1 year. She's 20 and her bf's 28. Reason for break up was that he's too controlling. Seems he didn't like her chatting with male strangers on the net. I gave my 2 cents, about maybe during that 1 year, one or the other might have cheated on the other or perhaps have not been honest in some way. My colleague said that he feels the bf has an immature thinking for a guy his age. Besides, the guy is a divorcee and has a daughter. So why is it that he's so petty about chatting with people online? Afterall, so long as she doesn't do anything with these strangers behind his back. I say that the bf was just too old for the girl and he probably feels insecure.

But I do honestly think that there is not enough amount of trust and honesty in the relationship to began with. I wouldn't say that my relationship is ideal but I do tell my man everything. Just last Sunday, I met up with a net friend for the 1st time for a movie and I made sure I told my man about it. He was cool about it as he knew what I was up to and all through that day, I try to keep him informed of my whereabouts. It's always a give and take in every relationship. I give him information, he gives me freedom. I do my part by staying loyal and keeping him informed (without him even asking) and he need not worry. I guess we all need to be a bit 'smart' sometimes to know what correct actions to do / take, as a bf / gf.

I, for one, never thought that I would be able to be so honest to my other half. It has come to a point that I even tell him about my past (including the men and experiences), present (who I go out with, my friends, my family and what I do) and future (my plans and expectations). Initially, I was reluctant as I didn't know how he would take it and wondered if he would use it against me in the future, but he has been nothing but supportive. In return, he shares his life tales with me. And surprisingly, instead of feeling jealous or hurt, I feel honored instead. Afterall, what's passed is the past. So long as we now know our roles now and be faithful to each other. Being open and honest brings trust.

I would not recommend EVERYONE to try this technique as some people might not be so good at handling the truths. But I do suggest that this is a good way of building and maintaining a strong relationship. Nothing is perfect, I know. But we can at least try to make it 90% of the way.

Disclaimer: The author would like to emphasize that advises given on this entry should be taken and tried at one's own risk.

Quote, Unquote

"The ones closest to you, are the ones who causes most hurt". We take for granted that we're the ones getting the hurt.

We never actually look at it from the other perspective. The other part to that saying would be, "One is more prone to be overly sensitive to the ones closest to them". I learnt this lesson the hard way. I always lived by the 1st quote, whereby I'm the victim and blame all my hurt on the other person. I was hit by this realization that it's not just ME ME ME it any relationship or circumstances.

There’s another saying that goes, “When you point your finger (the polite way, with your thumb) to blame others, FOUR fingers are pointing back at YOU”. I guess one have to evaluate their own actions and words, before judging others. Many people complain and blame others / circumstances for their failures BUT their biggest failure is not noticing their OWN faults.

Let me tell you a story...

There was once a girl. She fell in love and was happily leading her life with him. Initially, everywhere one or other went, the other would follow. But after awhile, he decided he wanted to have his own time. It was all fine, as she had her own friends too. Occasionally, he would join her when she met up with her friends.

All was well until one day, when he said he would join her with her friends and during the night, when she called him to confirm his attendance, he said he was tired and decided not to go. She got pissed off and showed it in her voice when she told him to just stay home. He didn't notice. They hung up and she weeped. All through her tears, she was asking herself questions like, 'How could he do this to ME?', 'Why does he make promises and break them in the end?', 'Why does he hurt ME?'. Little did she know, it was all about HER.

After 5 minutes of blaming and tears, she decided to see from his point of view. Thoughts ran through her mind. Thoughts like, 'He has a right to be tired', 'I was tired earlier but I had a nap and he just got back from work', 'Hell, even I sometimes don't feel like going out', 'He does try to make it on most occasions', 'He has always been there for me in times of need'. Then only her tears dried and she got ready for her outing. Without her man but with a clearer conscience.

Life does not revolve around oneself. Though there's another saying that goes, "Learn to love yourself before others can love you". That saying is true but if you love yourself too much, others will find it hard to find space in your life to love you as you've already taken up all the love-space.

I would say, "Love yourself, indulge sometimes, don’t torture yourself and allow others to be part of your life enough to love you too”.

Calling All Cookie-Monsters!!!

Or, you can visit the URL at http://www.where-to-go.net/newsletter/famousamos/warehousesale.html

Just Sum Rants

it's been awhile, huh? just too lazy to actually type, considering i'm in front of the pc every other day and typing most of the time. there were many long-forgotten-post which came me to me in a-spur-of-the-moment but because i didn't type it out, it got all lost somewhere in me.

neways, it's friday now and come monday, workflow is going to go back to normal once again and it's going to be awhile before the next holiday. before i go on, i better wish y'all HAPPY CHINESE PIGGY YEAR! it's the year of the pigs and supposingly a good year.

didn't do much this CNY. mostly spent at bf's house in the night to sleep and day at home watching HOUSE (i recommend everyone to watch it. his character is so crude-yet-humorous). my friends were all back in their hometowns and only came back on wednesday. went for yumcha that day and have been ever since.

pinky and me planned to celebrate our 2007 birthday with a getaway to a jungle-place. we planned to ask a few close friends but ended up with much more over our quota. to be honest, i only wanted a few of the close friends but i guess pinky kinda opened her mouth at the wrong times, when there were other people at the same table listening and assuming that they're invited too. but situation has been arised so i guess we have to see what we can do about it. i just hope that when the time comes, i won't need to put on my 'layan' face. it's my birthday too so i would like to enjoy it in peace and serenity instead of it being loud, noisy, chaotic and dramafied. *fingers crossed*

When It's Good, It's Damn Good...When It's Bad, It's Fucking Bad

woke up in a pretty relax mode today. was thinking of how i wished i could just stay in bed and cuddle-up.but thinking that i have my monday morning meetings, i HAD to drag myself to the bathroom and get ready. nevertheless, i still felt like it was gonna be a good day as i woke with a smile (now... don't go thinking something else... nothing happened!). i did panic a bit though as i knew i was a bit late for work and my boss is pretty particular with tardiness. while i was at the LRT station, i met 1 colleague and we chatted all the way to work. at our stop, he wanted to get some breakfast so i went to office 1st. low and behold, my boss was not in. i asked the maid and she said that my boss is in Jakarta and will only be back tonite. i then decided to ask my IT colleague to go downstairs and buy breakfast together. on the way there, Pinky sms me to ask for lunch. yeay! can have lunch with my friend instead of colleagues, for a change. hopefully the rest of the week would breeze by like today with no hiccups. *fingers crossed*

last week was the FUCKING bad week. it was so horrible as i was constantly called in to my boss's rom for 'soundings'. work was also piling up on my desk and it seemed like i was cramped in my cubicle with no where to escape and the work never seem to lessen. but... last week is finally over and now begans a whole new week. in which i wish would be commotion-less.

Keeping "mum"

if it's one thing i learnt from working... is:

1. keep your opinions to yourself; and
2. your complains, sealed and locked up in a box, hidden somewhere in the great wide ocean. lose the map in the process.

never ever tell anyone anything, unless you trust that person with your whole life. more so, when that something has got many things to do with your work / company / boss(es). consequences of the stupidity to tell your problems to an untrustworthy party or even to the management, would mean termination of your position.

recently, a very similar incident happen in my life, not to me as per say but around me.

she told another person about her dislikes and complains about others around her, even sort of brainwashed that 2nd person to be able to go up to management level to confront them and stating the facts. management could not tolerate this behaviour and decided to eliminate "the cause" of these politics. this case is pending conclusion as the last i heard, she requested for reinstatement and management is reconsidering.

the thing is, we all have problems at work, whether we admit it or not. and we somehow would dislike a certain someone at some point of time. and i can so guarantee that we complain about bad management ALL the time. people find it easier to blame others than to blame themselves. i, for one, would be the 1st to admit this fact. we find comfort in consulting people whom we trust (even if it's not with our life), and just release the stress and tension. and it does give some relief to be able to find someone who shares the same point of view with you. the problem is, you would not know how fake (or real) this person is, until it's too late. we consult and complain to others, in hopes that it would just stay with that person we went to.

sometimes we do this burst of frustration, in the heat of the moment and it'll just blow away. sometimes we DO mean the things we say. sometimes we may accidentally leaked some p&c information. sometimes we may have spoken too loud. all in all, we hope that in these instances, it would not cause us our job. but unfortunately for this person i know, she spoke a little too much and was conscious of her surroundings.

no matter how true the complain we have or how the facts are laid out, we cannot just assume (making an ASS out of U and Me) that everyone knows. and even though it seems like everyone knows, there is a reason why nothing is being done. sometimes, somethings are better left untouched / unopened / unaddressed. taking into consideration that we only bitch about these things outside office's walls and even though it's repeated bitchings, nothing is being done to rectify it, one should have already known that those bitchings are sensitive issues, not to be addressed out in the open and more so, in front of management. BUT some people are just SO bad at reading hints. *sigh*

solution: KEEP "MUM"

Another day at the office

it's officially a public holiday for my state, as today's my Sultan's birthday. so what the hell am i still in the office for? because it's a workday for me and some of my colleagues. 11 of us, to be exact. luckily, we get an additional day off. if not, "Protest", here i come.

yesterday, i was at a Go Red event. the ambassador of Go Red Malaysia is YABhg Datin Paduka Seri Rosmah Mansor, Malaysia' Deputy Prime Minister's wife. she's so "cute" looking and she has a knick for jokes as well. yesterday, also being her birthday, she was about 45 minutes late for the event. but she was gracious enough to apologize and say that if we were to blame, it should be to the Batik Club as they insisted to spend her to a scrumptious birthday lunch (laughs).

this event was basically to launch Go Red in Malaysia. Go Red Malaysia is an association owned by the NGOs. Go Red for Women in Malaysia is a nationwide campaign to create awareness of heart disease, the No. 1 killer of Malaysia women. Red color symbolises passion and energy of women to fight against heart disease which is preventive. every 10th December is National Go Red Day. everyone is encouraged to wear Red on this one single day to support this movement. there is Go Red all around the world. Go Red America's ambassador is none other than President Bush's wife, Laura Bush.

all in all, the launch was pretty much a success. they are making a name in Malaysia, like how Go Red in America is doing. in hopes that Malaysian women would take more care of their hearts. it was astonishing to find out the figures that women die of heart diseases more than of ALL the cancers combined(!)

ok, the fact is, women should have balanced diet, exercise and don't smoke. all of which, i have not been abiding to. perhaps i should review my life(?) perhaps...

Event of the Year

I just sent an email to my current colleagues and some of my ex-colleagues as well as friends for a Christmas Party at my neighbour's house, which also happens to be ex-collagues of mine. Seeing as we work almost 365 days a year, I think we all long for this much-needed-break. Hopefully the turn out would be great and everyone would have a blast.

Though I must say that I was a bit disappointed that after sending the email out, I realised that the RSVP part was system-deleted. No wonder everyone was asking when they should get back to me. Didn't help that I was a bit pissed-off that no one reads emails throughoutly to realise I've already inserted the RSVP date and sent a pretty nasty reply. Oops... My Bad! Hehehe... But don't kill the Santarina....

Merry (early) Christmas y'all!

XOXO
ms3Gem

What the hell am I doin here?

it's a sunday afternoon and i'm sitting in front of my pc, at the office. though i came back at my own free-will, i can't help but think that i have so much to do, so little time and so underpaid. i have to say that i love my job but sometimes, i wish the floor under me would just swallow me whole and take me away from this world for a couple of days.

anyways, went to Zouk last night. FEMALE was having a bash for the 50 Gorgeous people. it was pretty boring at first, with all that waiting for the event to start. it was suppose to start at 8pm but it didn't until close to 9pm. once the party started, the stage heated up with 50 of the most Gorgeous people for 2006. the event was emceed by Channel [V] VJs Sarah Tan and Dominic Lau, many thought that THEY should be included in the Gorgeous people. the most Gorgeous man title was won by contestant #7 Justin Chan and the most Gorgeous female was #47's Jasvinder Gill.

that aside, the night was full of suprises for me as well. as i have not been out in the "scene" of late, it was my 1st time of late night at a club in almost a year.

while i was looking at the 50 Gorgeous on the big screen, suddenly #29 caught my eye. his name is Lord Scott, a name i will never forget because when we were younger, i used to tease him by always calling him "m'lord". wow... he certainly has grown. he used to be my direct neighbour and he hung out at my house pretty often because my brother was the same age as him and they went to the same school. i told this to Pinky, GG and Nic. Pinky and Nic commented that i should know Scott's sister, Fiona since i know him. but when i met her that night, i could not recognize her. afterall, it was only Scott who came over to my house and my family was not that close to the rest of Scott's family. but times have been good to Scott, as from what i can see. from a vulnerable boy to a gorgeous hunk!

i got to Zouk not too long when i got a call, seems my pen-pal of 9 years was there too and he spotted me. he came over and we catched up. the last i saw him was a year ago, during my Christmas party. he asked if i was gonna have another one this year (still thinking about it).

5 minutes after my pen-pal went back to his table, i felt a finger brush across my back, and i was about to turn round to scream at the pervert when i saw this tiny little girl who was one of my brother's ex-girlfriend. i sitll adore this little girl because she really has such sweet-mouth and she's just so cute. the only way i have been keeping up with her life is through www.multiply.com. but seeing her after 3-4 years was great and it was also great to see she has moved on and very happy about it too.

half an hour after that, i received another call, this time, i just stared at my phone because i could not believe that this fella was calling me. ever since we left collage, we have not kept in contact at all. after staring in disbelief at my phone for 2 seconds, i finally picked up and it was confirmed it was him. he said he is at Zouk too and i hurried over to meet him. i brought my whole gang (all from the same collage and class) and we were reunited, just like the old days. we chatted and parted to join the happenings on stage.

there were a 3 games that the emcees were suppose to get the audience to join in and play. the 1st was "name that song" and the forfeit was for the rest of the contestants to spell the singer's name with their ass. 2nd game was to get 10 audience on stage to pick 1 Gorgeous of an opposite sex as a partner and design a t-shirt for them. quite interesting designs were created. 3rd game was "treasure hunt", where 5 contestant were given 5 items to find in the crowd and the 1st person to complete would win a Samsung mobile phone (can't remember the model). and guess who won it? none other than Kenny Sia. i was so shocked to see him live. Pinky, GG n me were screaming our lungs out when he went on stage. quite obviously we were avid readers of his blog. i saw him outside after the event but didn't dare go up to him. bad enough, he would have encountered many cheesy pick-up lines in his life since he became a some-what celebrity, i didn't want to be added to that list.

the night ended, but i had loads of fun... with loads of suprises. Note To Self: i should do this once awhile.

*reality* back to work... still alone in a big ol' office with work piled. *sigh*

Oblivious

there are some people in this world that just doesn't realise how lucky they are. funnily enough, these are the people that are always complaining about something. and that one something is the one thing that they have the most. am i confusing anyone yet?

you see, there's this girl. she has no bf. she never did. she did try to date this guy but things ended pretty badly. luckily for her, she wasn't so "into" the relationship and the break-up cause minimal damage. her parents are trying to get her to date and always question her about her relationship status. to make matters worse, they speculate every guy that she goes out with, may be her bf. because she spends much time hanging out with the girls, her parents think that she may be a lesbian and they're awfully worried about it.

now, her parents may be worried but she isn't. her policy on relationship is, if i have one, i have one, if i don't, so what? funnily, the guys that we hang out with, pays most attention to her. even the guys who are already attached. she is the life of the group. any outings without her, would be less interesting or get cancelled.

she doesn't realise this but as an outsider, others notice it. so far so good, no jealousy emerged nor any catfights among the girls. the odd thing about all this is, i don't see how she doesn't realise that she is beautiful and charming and the highlight. if only she opened her eyes a little bigger (use toothpicks maybe?), she would realise that she has men swooning around her feet. instead, she goes dreaming about actors (*whispers* gay ones, for that matter) and saying how she'd probably end up as spinster.

oh well, some people can be so blind to what they have...

Back To Work

after 5 days of workless-days, i have gotten the hang of being a slug. today, waking up was a drag and coming to work was torture. now, sitting at my desk, during lunch time, and dreading the next 5 hours. to make matters worse, my 2 malay colleague from my department is on-leave so it's only myself and 1 other guy and seeing as we have to take turns for lunch, i decided to just buy back. all in all, i'm spending 9 hours sitting on my ass at my desk in front of this pc. my 1 other colleague from this department told me before lunch that he might be on MC tomorrow as he has blood test and probably on Monday as well. DRAT! only left poor me alone... as it is, there are other colleagues around but still, my eyes are voluntary closing itself and i have to force it open. i have piles of work stacked on my table but i can't bring myself to do it. i'm just gonna take it slow today and do whatever i can.

how i wish i didn't have to work but still have money to spend. i know that even though that may not always be a good thing but for now, i don't really care about the consequences.to be honest, i don't see how that could backfire. anyone care to enlighten me?

anyways, let me tell you what i have been getting up to for the past 5 days. on Saturday night, we went for yumcha at our usual mamak. Sunday night, was at Adhi's house because he recently got robbed and didn't want to spend so much money so he instead invited us to chill at his house. was there till 3am, playing his ps2 and watching Saw. Monday is the day we were invited to Cindy's housewarming-cum-birthday-cum-gettogether. the theme was RETRO had loads of fun with boardgames and meeting up with the whole gang. suprisingly, not much pictures were taken (considering we had a number or camera hoes around). Monday night ended at 4am on a Tuesday morning. Tuesday night, the whole retro gang got together for yumcha and discussed about the day before as well as some non-related stuff. Wednesday night was a quiet one. no news from each other. i guess everyone was too tired out from the exhaustion of the past few days with the staying up late and knowing that Thursday is a 9am working day.

and i say it again....

I WISH I DIDN'T HAVE TO WORK AND STILL HAVE MONEY TO SPEND!!!

My Weird Friends

isn't it funny how a group of friends can get together, laugh, joke, talk and share secrets but yet talk about each other behind their backs.

well... that's how my group of friends function.

in a way, this is not such a bad thing nor is it a good thing. you see, i have a group of very good friends that hangs out together every other day. sometimes it's the whole group, sometimes it may just be one or two. but either way, this is the group that gives the most support and spends the most time together. this group consist of 8 girls and 4 guys (tho most of the time it's only 1 guy).

as you all can guess, women bitch and yes, this group that has 8 women bitches a lot. and mostly it's about each other. but mostly, when they bitch about someone, everyone else has the same qualms about this person. take for example, 1 girl which we all deem as very calculative, everyone else in the group thinks so too. so when we get together and the topic of this particular girl comes out, everyone will agree and have loads to say about it. BUT when she's around, we are all happy-happy-laugh-laugh.

this makes me wonder, what is being bitched about me? much, i presume. considering i can probably bitch about myself quite a bit too.

we do try to come up with ways and solutions to get that particular person to change that particular behaviour but some times, that just doesn't seem to work or it may just work for a little while and things go back to before once again. all in all, this bitching about each other can be pretty healthy so long as that person doesn't know or knows about it themself already. as you know, keeping angry and negative vibes within, will just lead to catastrophe when all hell breaks loose.

my weird friends and our weird friendship. it works!

Work Related Issues

it's such a lazy monday. the haze is so bad that everyone's getting sick but the government is like not really doing much about it. the weather's hot like hell. trying to sleep at night just damps your bed. walking out is like walking on some hilltop (minus the cool breeze). the haze was supposed to be cleared 2 days back but up to date, it seems like it's getting worse. even the rain is not helping. with the rain, it cools the air but once everything dries up, its a desert once again.

it's raining now. with me being sleepy, this additional coldness isn't helping me keep awake. my eyes feels like they're closing on their own, even as i'm typing this. a few minutes ago, i was at one of my collague's cubicle. he was out the whole morning at a bank, testing terminals. he only got back around 1pm and he was in a foul mood. i asked what triggered him and he just said it was the same old thing and that he's really fed-up with everything. he is so ready to leave.

i decided to speak to him. afterall, i didn't feel like working anyway. and didn't help that a certain colleague who was fixing the pc next to mine, kept farting. he said that this is the 1st time he has ever felt like he NEEDED to leave a company in his whole working life. i can say that i understand what he feels and is going through. i know this because i feel it too. i have been working for 5years now and all my previous jobs weren't so pressuring. i left those company because i felt i weren't progressing. in this current company, there are many aspects that i worry about but just can't voice out.

regardless of all these obstacles, i have decided to rough it out a bit more with this company. afterall, i did come back to this company by myself when i left for a month before. i give myself another year and see where this will take me. as it is, my boss had promised that things and business would run more smoothly by next year. let's just see how true that will be. but on the up side, things are looking more promising on the surface with the hiring of more staffs.

we'll see...

Unappreciated

when one makes an effort in their work.
when one tries to make things simple for all.
when one beautify things.
when one puts their heart and soul.
when one is finally happy with the outcome.
when one gets compliments for people around.

but this one gets shot-down.
gets shot-down without even knowing.
without even knowing the boss rejects.
the boss rejects all the one tried to make.
tried to make life simple for consumers.
simple for consumers to understand.
to understand is to bring sales.
to brings sales is to make everyone happy.

finally.... WHATEVER!

Beginning

sigh... a new blog, a new beginning (i wish!).

i'm pretty frustrated with my old blogger account. i have tried numerous times to login but still to-date, no luck. i've even contacted blogger helpers, they have tried to rectify this and yesterday i checked my email to find that they replied, saying all's been fixed. i tried once again and once again, it failed on me. it's SO frustrating....

gawd damn... why is it only thursday?!? i want... no, i NEED the weekend! every monday, i wished it was already friday. if only the world and time can stay static on sunday.