Honestly, Honesty...?

How honest can one be in a relationship?

My colleague was telling me about a girl he knows and how she was telling him that she recently broke up with her bf of 1 year. She's 20 and her bf's 28. Reason for break up was that he's too controlling. Seems he didn't like her chatting with male strangers on the net. I gave my 2 cents, about maybe during that 1 year, one or the other might have cheated on the other or perhaps have not been honest in some way. My colleague said that he feels the bf has an immature thinking for a guy his age. Besides, the guy is a divorcee and has a daughter. So why is it that he's so petty about chatting with people online? Afterall, so long as she doesn't do anything with these strangers behind his back. I say that the bf was just too old for the girl and he probably feels insecure.

But I do honestly think that there is not enough amount of trust and honesty in the relationship to began with. I wouldn't say that my relationship is ideal but I do tell my man everything. Just last Sunday, I met up with a net friend for the 1st time for a movie and I made sure I told my man about it. He was cool about it as he knew what I was up to and all through that day, I try to keep him informed of my whereabouts. It's always a give and take in every relationship. I give him information, he gives me freedom. I do my part by staying loyal and keeping him informed (without him even asking) and he need not worry. I guess we all need to be a bit 'smart' sometimes to know what correct actions to do / take, as a bf / gf.

I, for one, never thought that I would be able to be so honest to my other half. It has come to a point that I even tell him about my past (including the men and experiences), present (who I go out with, my friends, my family and what I do) and future (my plans and expectations). Initially, I was reluctant as I didn't know how he would take it and wondered if he would use it against me in the future, but he has been nothing but supportive. In return, he shares his life tales with me. And surprisingly, instead of feeling jealous or hurt, I feel honored instead. Afterall, what's passed is the past. So long as we now know our roles now and be faithful to each other. Being open and honest brings trust.

I would not recommend EVERYONE to try this technique as some people might not be so good at handling the truths. But I do suggest that this is a good way of building and maintaining a strong relationship. Nothing is perfect, I know. But we can at least try to make it 90% of the way.

Disclaimer: The author would like to emphasize that advises given on this entry should be taken and tried at one's own risk.

Quote, Unquote

"The ones closest to you, are the ones who causes most hurt". We take for granted that we're the ones getting the hurt.

We never actually look at it from the other perspective. The other part to that saying would be, "One is more prone to be overly sensitive to the ones closest to them". I learnt this lesson the hard way. I always lived by the 1st quote, whereby I'm the victim and blame all my hurt on the other person. I was hit by this realization that it's not just ME ME ME it any relationship or circumstances.

There’s another saying that goes, “When you point your finger (the polite way, with your thumb) to blame others, FOUR fingers are pointing back at YOU”. I guess one have to evaluate their own actions and words, before judging others. Many people complain and blame others / circumstances for their failures BUT their biggest failure is not noticing their OWN faults.

Let me tell you a story...

There was once a girl. She fell in love and was happily leading her life with him. Initially, everywhere one or other went, the other would follow. But after awhile, he decided he wanted to have his own time. It was all fine, as she had her own friends too. Occasionally, he would join her when she met up with her friends.

All was well until one day, when he said he would join her with her friends and during the night, when she called him to confirm his attendance, he said he was tired and decided not to go. She got pissed off and showed it in her voice when she told him to just stay home. He didn't notice. They hung up and she weeped. All through her tears, she was asking herself questions like, 'How could he do this to ME?', 'Why does he make promises and break them in the end?', 'Why does he hurt ME?'. Little did she know, it was all about HER.

After 5 minutes of blaming and tears, she decided to see from his point of view. Thoughts ran through her mind. Thoughts like, 'He has a right to be tired', 'I was tired earlier but I had a nap and he just got back from work', 'Hell, even I sometimes don't feel like going out', 'He does try to make it on most occasions', 'He has always been there for me in times of need'. Then only her tears dried and she got ready for her outing. Without her man but with a clearer conscience.

Life does not revolve around oneself. Though there's another saying that goes, "Learn to love yourself before others can love you". That saying is true but if you love yourself too much, others will find it hard to find space in your life to love you as you've already taken up all the love-space.

I would say, "Love yourself, indulge sometimes, don’t torture yourself and allow others to be part of your life enough to love you too”.

Calling All Cookie-Monsters!!!

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